Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
