So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
