I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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