stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
