Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
