Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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