Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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