last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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