i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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