hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
