She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
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Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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