literally had 100 drinks last night.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
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Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
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