It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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