apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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