i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
