Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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