Dual....:-)
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize