summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Semen is not good for contacts.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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