ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
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Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
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Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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