went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize