I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
