she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
