If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
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Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
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You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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