im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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