i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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