Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He felt like a one man threesome
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize