I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
