Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
