your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
did i just pee glitter
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
