I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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