I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Sext me about skeletons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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