i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
