Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
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I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
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I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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