theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
What a dumb baby whore.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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