This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I deserve this hangover.
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