respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My balls are so social today.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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