Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
