my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
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