how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he thought i was a dude.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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