update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
