i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
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i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
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Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over