you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?