no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
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Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
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I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?