Your tits are I can't wait for
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?