The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
