I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
