as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize