Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
