Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You're like the curious george of whores
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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