I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
