youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
this is jacob
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...