the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️