Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is