I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
