No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
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You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
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